TO: bcc: NYC OFFICE
FROM: HUMAN RELATIONS
Re: Regarding the Demon Currently Haunting The 4th Floor Printer Area
Good Morning! This is a quick note to inform you that we are aware of the situation currently occurring on the 4th floor near the printer area and are taking every precaution to ensure that it is contained.
The safety of our employees is of the utmost importance to us and as such we have reached out to numerous high priests in an effort to eliminate the demon currently haunting the 4th floor printer area.
Please note that per your employment contract, the company is not liable for any injuries or trauma you may sustain via encounters with the occult. However, given the severity of the situation we are offering an extra floating sick day to any person who is possessed or otherwise harmed by the demon. This floating sick day may not be combined with your two allotted sick days and must be used by the end of the month.
If you must print something, we urge you to use the printing stations on the 5th or 6th floor.
IMPORTANT: IF THE PRINTING STATIONS ON THE 5TH AND 6TH FLOOR ARE OCCUPIED, YOU MAY APPROACH THE PRINTING STATION ON THE 4TH FLOOR ONLY IF YOU ARE WEARING A WOODEN CROSS. THE DEMON HAS DEVELOPED AN IMMUNITY TO METALLIC CROSSES.
We’re quite embarrassed by this entire situation and hope to resolve it as soon as possible.
On that note, the company has decided to sponsor a contest soliciting your ideas in regards to how to best dispose of the demon. If you would like to enter, just come up to the 6th floor at 4 pm and enter your idea into the suggestion box. The winner will receive a $100 gift certificate to Chipotle as well a branded hoodie.
Pizza will be provided.